I Love You, Internet

I’ve spent my morning researching the freshman from Duke University who works in porn (blog post to follow). But I’ve found so many wonderful gems, just in comments following news articles about this topic, that I MUST share.

I didn’t make any of these up.*

  • I’m amazed by the ‘you can’t rape a porn star’ attitude. Anyone want to explain that one?
  • The response: There’s really no logical explanation, but I’ll try: porn stars are down for anything. If a bunch of dudes want to run a train on a porn star, she’ll supposedly agree to it. If someone she finds unattractive wants to have sex with her, she’ll do it just because she’s a porn star, therefore they have absolutely no standards.”

Ummm… so just because I’m down for an on-camera gangbang means that I’ll agree to a gangbang with a bunch of (untested) strangers I’ve met at a bar? Uh huh.

  •  I know a girl who has a criminal justice degree. Instead of doing porn, she worked in strip clubs, did escort, and had at least 25 customers before her 20th birthday. She didn’t have any problem with paying for schools or pay her rent on time while she was in college, I wish you should have taken that route in order to avoid any repercussion from the work you’re doing.

What? So American society thinks it’s completely okay for a girl to be hooker? Did I miss the memo?

  • Give me a break. If you are a sex worker honey no need to attend Duke. Whoring has been around since the beginning of time so just go do it. You got into Duke and you are so dimwitted to think that no one who say something to you if they found out you did porn?

There’s no need for sex workers to use our brains. We are just wet holes, after all!

  • Really? How did you even get into Duke in the first place? Your personal statement should have been titled “My Financial Plan to Pay for School through Porn.”

She’s so stupid, how ever did she get into Duke, let alone graduate from high school?

  • So how much do you charge for a blowjob. Prostitution is legal if there’s a camera and that is all you are at this point so what’s your going rates? Seriously.

Seriously. I’d fuck her.

  • Maybe you should have chosen a less expensive school and kept your pants on. Your surprise at the response you’ve gotten only proves your naivete. Smarten up. Go to a school you can afford with a job that doesn’t consist of faking orgasms.
  • The response: Maybe you should go and fuck yourself to death, dickweed.
  • Followed by: TERRIBLE COMMENT

I… I have nothing smart to say about this one. The internet did it for me.

  • “Lauren” definitely has a lot of confidence in her sex skills. She probably had sex with hundreds of guys before starting porn. Porn stars are also attention whores… Going the porn route just means you like to be recorded and placed online to be seen. “Lauren” enjoys the idea of guys fapping to her videos. Gross.

He’s got some truth there. After all, I like to be recorded and placed online to be see. I enjoy the idea of guys fapping to my videos. However, wanna know how many guys I had sex with before I started porn? 6.

  • Then I will spend the rest of my minutes concerned about the drug habit she could be developing to be able to film proficiently.

You know, I always do five lines of coke and drink a bottle of vodka before every scene, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to “film proficiently,” and we wouldn’t want that!  Or maybe I just take my allergy medicine and my birth control pill.

  • Thank you for fulling our Internet with your body, Thank them for watching it ($_$)

I love you non-native English speakers writing in English.

  • Duke? My dog has the same name. Weird. Do you know him?

This definitely contributes to the conversation.

  •  Hi i think being a porn star is good , and maybe one day i can be one too

Someone always has to ask.

I love you, internet. You amuse me, you distract me, you entertain me. Keep it up.

In the spirit of this post, I’ll be accepting all the comments. Hit me with your best.

 

 

*Just because I went to college and learned all about citing sources, all these comments came from these two articles (most other articles didn’t allow comments or were full of so much unrelated bullshit that I gave up on reading them):

http://sites.duke.edu/develledish/2014/02/14/in-response-to-portrait-of-a-porn-star/

http://jezebel.com/duke-university-freshman-outed-as-porn-star-1525267973

 

 

3 Responses to I Love You, Internet

Leave a Reply to Dan Schmidt Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *