More than anything else, I get asked about dating — how I date, who I date, etc. This one came from Adult DVD Talk.
I would be very interested in how far you would go on a first date with a person you have a great chemistry from the beginning on. I mean which kind of sexual passions, fetishes, whatever you wanna call it would you share with this person if mentioned or is this something you prefer to discover during the sex? Or do you for instance wait until the sex with somebody who is obviously not informed yet about your love for anal and let him that find out or is it a must for you to tell him that beforehand?
I guess, maybe, in the real world, I’m weird. But I grew up in the fetish community, and I approach dating from that perspective.
If I meet you at a bar, or really, anywhere outside of a kink event, I will flirt with you, yes. But I will never go out on a date with you, and I will never sleep with you. Why? My number one most important thing in a relationship is sexual compatibility, and I’m never going to find that in the real world. Does that make me cynical? Sure. Does that mean I’m saying there is no possibility for kinky people to connect in the real world? No.
I’m a conoissuer, a snob. I’m very picky. I’ve played with the best people in the world, and I no longer have patience for a relationship with someone who isn’t of that caliber.
But, let’s say I am on a first date with someone from the community, and we have great chemistry. Before we even get naked, we have discussed every single sexual thing we might do, in depth. We have talked about likes, dislikes, hard limits. Talked about boundaries and defined our relationship. And the first time we play, there will almost certainly be no fluid exchange. That requires an entirely separate negotiation, one that is complicated by my job, and I’m not gonna go through all that with someone I just met.
Yes, it’s not sexy, and yes, it’s not spontaneous. And yes, if I’m going to have sex with someone, they know beforehand that I enjoy anal. But that doesn’t mean they are ever gonna stick it in my butt.
I’m Casey Calvert, boner killer. But negotiation turns ME on.
The other day, I got an email about a custom video with the subject line, “nothing too weird for you?” It turns out it’s not too weird for me at all, and it’ll be a fun video to make. It got me thinking.
I don’t just do the weird stuff. I like to do the weird stuff.
Here’s the thing: Although I don’t have a fetish myself, I understand it. I spent a very long time uncomfortable and unwilling to share my unusual sexuality with others, and I admire people who are out about their fetish. I feel, for lack of a better way to say it, proud of them.
Tangent: There is difference between a fetish and a kink, and it’s a huge pet peeve of mine when people misuse the words. A kink is something outside of the norm that turns you on. You have a fetish when you absolutely can’t get aroused unless the subject of your fetish is present.
Sex is such an important human function, whether society wants to admit it or not. And when your sexuality is different than what society deems acceptable, it can be crippling. My sexuality used to be my biggest secret. It used to be a weight I carried around with me. And mine’s not even, insert air quotes here, that bad.
So… I love making fetish videos, especially custom fetish videos. I admire the balls it takes to write to me about something that I might write back and say, “what the fuck? You are crazy!”
People with a fetish know what they want, and I love giving it to them. I figure, having a fetish makes things complicated enough, the least I can do is make them an awesome video. I know it’s going to be appreciated. It’s not pity, it’s appreciation and curiosity. I love learning about what turns someone on, and why. After all, it’s true what they say about psychologists – they study what they wish to understand in themselves.
And now, Captain Hammer… (click to play)